G.Y.

Tag: personal growth

  • 5 Guaranteed Easy Ways To End Your Fears Completely

    5 Guaranteed Easy Ways To End Your Fears Completely

    Please do not say “I have no fear” without reading the first article

    Do you have fears that affect your life and that you cannot overcome? If so, would you like to overcome these fears and be free from them?

    “Courage is not fearlessness, but the ability to face fear.”
    – John B. Putnam Jr.

    Please don’t say “I have no fears” without reading the first item below. It is likely that this is a hidden fear masked by denial that is keeping you from facing your fears. Know that fear is never a weakness. What weakness is living a life of fear?

    In this article, you will find 8 steps I use to overcome the fear that has proven effective in my own life. I hope these steps will help you too.

    1. Identify Your Fear


    The first step to overcoming fear is to clearly identify and accept what you are afraid of. Fear is such a thing that it does not reveal itself in its true form. On the contrary, it hides behind a mask, weaves a cover for itself, and sneaks into our lives unnoticed. 

    Our mind plays tricks on us, deflects us, and we think that it is not a fear but our own “preference” or personality structure. So we don’t realize that we have a real fear to overcome.

    Real Life Examples

    To give an example from my own life, everyone knows me as someone who expresses myself well. 

    In fact, although I express my thoughts easily, when it comes to emotions I find it difficult to express them, especially in close relationships. As you can see, it seems as if there is not a fear but a personality structure. 

    However, this structure did not emerge spontaneously. Some negative experiences or observations turned into fears and became deeply rooted. 

    So much so that these fears hid themselves behind a personality structure and took on the lofty mission of protecting me, restricting me from expressing my feelings. 

    Believe me, this is not a personality structure. It is a “fear”: “If I express my feelings as they are, I am afraid of being hurt, of being misunderstood, of losing the love of the other person. I am afraid that if I reveal my feelings, they will be abused.”

    Let me give another example. A close friend of mine has a very negative view of marriage. So much so that no matter how good her current relationship is, when the subject of marriage comes up, her feelings change and she wants to get away from that relationship. 

    On the tip of the iceberg, her logic tells her, “50% of marriages don’t work, marriage kills relationships, etc.” Habuki herself has never been married. So these thoughts are entirely based on other people’s experiences.

    When we dig a little deeper, we find that the real fear under the iceberg is the fear of losing his freedom. Because of this fear, she lives a lonely life, both emotionally and physically. 

    And perhaps depriving himself of the wonderful experiences he could have had. But if you ask her, it’s not because of fear, it’s because she prefers to live alone. And she defines this as freedom.

    2. Identify Your Paradigms


    The second step you need to take to overcome fears is to center the paradigms operating in the background of the mind. This is quite easy and you can do it right now. Take a pen and paper and write down whatever comes to your mind about the fear in question;

    What are your thought patterns about this fear?
    Are there any proverbs or idioms that you use in daily life that reinforce your fear? What are your negative memories about this fear? 

    Even if you have not experienced it yourself, if there is a story you have been influenced by, add it to your list.

    Write without thinking, just write. You don’t even need to form proper sentences. Let whatever is inside you come out in writing. You will then have a complete mind map of your fear.

    The other day I was reading Joe Vitale’s book, “How to attract money.” The first step he suggested was to identify the thought patterns about money. For this, he suggested the above method. 

    Until I applied this method, I was not even aware of my negative thoughts about money. On the contrary, I thought I had an extremely good relationship with money. 

    When I picked up a pen and paper, I realized what a negative mind map I had about money. How many obstacles I was putting in my way to earn money?

    To overcome fears, you have to clearly map out your mind map about them. Because this map will guide you on your way to victory.

    3. Change Your Paradigms


    You now have your mind map of the fear in question. So you also have the solution. Go through the items you have written down one by one and sort out which ones serve you and which ones don’t. Replace the items that you think no longer serve you with new ones. What you need to pay attention to here is that your new paradigm should be something you believe in, something you accept as reality. It should not give you the feeling that you are deceiving yourself.

    For example, let’s say you are afraid of loneliness and one of your paradigms is “no one wants to be with me for a long time, they will eventually leave me”. If you want to change this thought, cross it out and replace it with this: “I love, I am loved, it is my birthright to love and be loved.”

    It’s time to replace the old paradigms that have unconsciously settled in your mind with conscious awareness! Write your new thought patterns on a clean piece of paper and read them every day. Until they take root in your mind. If when you think of the old paradigms, they have no effect on you, but you think “what nonsense”, then the new ones are well established:)

    4. Conquer Your Fear in Your Mind First


    This step is very important. Perhaps one of the most important. Why? Because what you can’t even imagine in your mind, you can’t possibly do in real life. Know that everything you see around you was first imagined by someone. So, for something to be real in this life, it has to be real in someone’s mind.

    Visualize the situation in which you feel fear. But this time, see yourself as someone who conquers fear, not someone who gives in to it. For example, if you have a fear of heights, imagine looking down from the top of a tall apartment building. In the first stage of your imagination, imagine that you are firmly anchored and perfectly safe. As you get used to the situation, gradually let go of your bonds and feel that you can now look down comfortably. Even more exaggerated! Imagine growing wings, soaring through the sky like a bird and enjoying it immensely.

    5. Love your fear


    Yes, I know, this article sounds ridiculous. But don’t be prejudiced, because it plays a key role in overcoming fears. Why?

    Because this life is based on dualities that are opposite but complement each other. For example, black and white, day and night, light and dark, good and bad, etc. 

    So if one thing exists, its opposite must also exist. The reason why something exists is because its opposite also exists. For example, if there were no night, there would be no day. 

    Because if it were always daytime, we wouldn’t need to define it because it would be an immutable unity. We wouldn’t even be aware of it.

    Many people think that the opposite of love is hate. But this is not true. The opposite of love is “fear”. Look again at the things you fear. You will see that there is no love in it. 

    To overcome fears, you have to dissolve them in love. Whenever you feel fear, send love to the event, person or situation you are afraid of. Do this even if you don’t feel like it. Fear cannot exist where there is love, just as darkness cannot exist where there is light. The antidote to fear is love.

    Let’s go back to the example we gave at the beginning. Let’s take my friend who is opposed to marriage, and the basis of his thinking is the fear of losing his freedom. In fact, this person is in a relationship of mutual love. How can love and fear go together, you may ask? 

    The answer is very simple, because this person’s main fear is not marriage but the fear of losing his freedom. 

    In other words, he sees marriage as a trap and he has a great fear of this situation in which he thinks he will be imprisoned and restricted. It seems much safer to condemn oneself to loneliness and turn one’s back on love than to live in such a situation.

    The fear of confinement and restriction does not contain love. That’s why the fear is there. When love is sent to this fear, it melts. The eyes closed by fear open and the truth becomes clear. The realization develops that nothing can interfere with human freedom. Freedom comes from the soul of man. 

    No one can imprison one’s soul except oneself. The greatest prison is the prison of fear. You can imprison the body, but never the soul. The poems that flow from the souls of people imprisoned for years are the best proof of this.

  • Why Time Flies Too Fast?

    Why Time Flies Too Fast?

    How We Can Stop The Time – Time Flies

    This is one of the most frequently asked questions by most of us, both to ourselves and to those around us.

    In this article, I will both ask myself why time passes so quickly and try to give myself answers.

    Let me first start by giving some information: a day is 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, or 86,400 seconds long.

    This number will always remain the same unless someone says let’s make a day 25 hours.

    In other words, time has a certain flow, it does not have the luxury of slowing down or speeding up.

    But why do we have such a thought?

    Why does time pass so quickly…

    In fact, you are both right and wrong, time passes both slowly and quickly.

    The flow of time can seem fast or slow, depending on what you’re doing and how you’re feeling.

    If you got up late today and you have less than an hour left, the time you have left will pass much faster than yesterday.

    You will realize that even your routine tasks such as waking up, waking up, having breakfast, cleaning the house take a lot of time.

    When you finish all your work and look at the clock, you will realize that you have little time to go out and walk around or do some shopping.

    That’s why you should get up as early as possible to use more time than a 24-hour day.

    If you are alone anywhere, time will pass slowly. If you are waiting for something or working on something, time will pass slowly.

    There was even a song from previous years, I remember. “The clock is always slow at work,” was singed.

    Time will pass quickly if you have a lot of work to do and need to grow something.

    If you are in a place you love, with the people you love, time will pass quickly.

    As you can see, the rate of flow of time depends on many variables.

    Speaking of variables, let me try to answer the frequently spoken issues about time:

    People say that after a certain age, time passes very quickly, even that they cannot keep up with the speed of time.

    One of the biggest reasons for this is; It is the transition to a fixed order and continuing our lives within the framework of this routine.

    When you do the same or similar things every day, even if we think that time passes slowly during what we do; When we look back, we realize that the days, weeks, months and even years pass quickly.

    Even though we think that time passes quickly when we add a little color to our lives and do different things; When we look back, we think that we had a full and enjoyable time.

    Non-routine activities such as trying new things, getting to know new people and spending time with them, seeing new places will help you to intervene and take control of the fast flow of time for you.

    This is one of the most important reasons why time passes slowly for children.

    Many things they encounter in their daily lives mean new experiences and things that require them to learn and improve themselves.

    A person learns and should learn new things every moment throughout his life. However, after a while, the pace of learning slows down, and from that day on, time begins to pass quickly for that person.

    Let me give a little example from myself. As of now, I am 41 years old and started working full time at the age of 25.

    While I remember a lot from my college years, very little remains in my memory from other 16 years.

    Working life inevitably traps people in a boring and suffocating routine.

    You don’t have many options to do something new and to find solutions against time.

    That’s why most of people still have a lot of dreams that they haven’t been able to fulfill.

    Our biggest excuse for these is that I have little time.

    I think the speed of time also depends on what we experience.

    While I am working or lying in bed with the flu, time will never pass for me.

    Conclusion;

    If you are aware, what you read did nothing but confuse your mind. So Let me at least make the finale good.

    Time will pass quickly for some, quick for others, one way or another.

    But it’s up to you to have a good time and make use of the time given to you.

  • Micro Facial Expressions That Only Successful People Understand

    Micro Facial Expressions That Only Successful People Understand

    The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said (Facial Expressions)

    Although body language education basically starts with what the classical body postures mean, as you progress, the details of micro-expressions begin to gain importance.(Facial Expressions)

    In the study carried out by Bristol (UK) University researchers, the relationship between identifying emotion in ambiguous facial expressions and aggressive thoughts and behaviours was investigated;

    The effect of recognizing emotions in facial expressions on both healthy adults and adolescents at high risk of delinquency has been observed.

    “The human body is the best picture of the human soul.” –Ludwig Wittgenstein

    In the study in which happy, angry, or emotionally uncertain facial expressions were shown to the volunteers, the participants were asked to describe the expressions as “happy” or “angry”.

    Thus, it was observed how “angry” they defined ambiguous expressions, thus creating a point of departure.

    The researchers then prompted the participants to reevaluate some of the vague expressions they previously described as “angry”, saying that some of them were actually “happy”.

    The first 40 adults, in the group, were able to identify happiness indicators in ambiguous expressions.

    Adults who can define happiness have lower anger and aggression levels.

    However, the situation is different for 46 adolescents in the experimental group.

    Adolescents who could not define happiness expressions and were referred to a rehabilitation program from various institutions due to the risk of committing a crime were trained to recognize happiness in facial expressions.

    Aggressive behaviour tendency and subjective anger evaluations decreased in those receiving education.

    Recognizing emotion is key to changing anger and aggressive behaviour. These results may change the future of studies on the prevention of anger and aggression.

    Then now let’s check feelings from micro expressions…

    #1- Happiness

    • The cheek rises.
    • Lip edges are pulled upwards.
    • The corners of the eyes are wrinkled.
    • The forehead is straight and the eyebrows are fixed.

    #2- Stress or Sadness

    • Stress on the eyebrow part of the face: The middle part of the eyebrow is raised, giving the eyebrow a curved appearance.
    • The eyebrow is in the form of a line, but only the medial (middle) part has become a line.
    • The eyebrows are also united.

    This causes inward-U-shaped wrinkles around the eyebrows, also known as “Darwin’s grief muscle”.

    If the eyebrow is completely raised, it appears as a whole line.

    #3- Contempt, Disgust, Disapproval

    There are two kinds of indicators for disgust.

    • First, the nose is wrinkled. In the second, the upper lip rises. A possible indicator of humiliation is the dimple muscle.
    • Another is to roll the eyes.

    #4- Sadness

    • Sadness can look like stress on the upper part of the face.
    • Note that down the face: Are the corners of the mouth pulled down?
    • Here, make sure that this expression is not a permanent expression that is always present on the face.

    Sadness may also be manifested by the combination of two locomotion units that raise the cheeks and are evident by the wrinkling around the eyes and are also associated with lip rim depression.

    Ekman, Levenson, and Friesen (1983) added the following to sadness at this point: looking down, chin lifting, cheeks lifting, and lip cornering.

    #5- Anger

    • The lip and chin area of ​​the face is important in expressing anger.
    • The red side of the lips is pulled inward so that the lips are stretched and narrowed.
    • This can also be seen on just one lip. Or the lips may be pressed against each other without the chin being lifted upwards.
    • This tightens and narrows the lips.
    • The chin may also be shrunken. The chin rises, wrinkles and gives the mouth a slightly inverted-U shape.
    • If the anger is severe, the lower lip may be twisted as if it were resentful.

    #6- Fear

    • Fear signals may be evident in the mouth.
    • In fear, the mouth may open to varying degrees (ie, lips are split, the chin is low, or the mouth is tight).
    • Fear Brow Only the middle part of the eyebrow is furrowed horizontally.
    • Horizontal lines do not extend across the entire eyebrow. These are expressions of stress or fear.

    As you can see, people show a lot of micro expressions when they communicate.

    If you can read them, it is inevitable that you will be successful in both your private and business life.

  • 7 Things Only Really INTELLIGENT People Do!

    7 Things Only Really INTELLIGENT People Do!

    I think that smart people are more flexible in adapting, and this way they can be successful in different environments.

    1. Their ability to adapt is highly developed (INTELLIGENT People)

    Smart people are more flexible in adapting, so they can be successful in different environments.

    As Donna F. Hammett puts it, intelligent people must adapt their situation to “consider what can be done regardless of the complications or restrictions placed upon them.”

    2. They try to accept and understand the subjects they do not know

    Intelligent people can admit this when they are not familiar with certain concepts.

    As Jim Winer said, smart people, are those who aren’t afraid to say “I don’t know.”

    Not knowing is not permanent. If they don’t know, they can find out.

    3. They have an insatiable curiosity

    Albert Einstein said in a statement: “I have no special talents, I am just passionately curious.”

    A study published in the Journal of Individual Differences in 2016 suggested a link between childhood intelligence and openness to experience.

    By observing people born in the UK for 50 years, researchers found that 11-year-olds with a higher IQ are more open to experiences and experiences at age 50.

    4. They read too much

    Cheikh Mbacke Diop says smart people tend to be more literate as they are very inquisitive.

    Looking back, many of the world’s most successful people — Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking, Oprah — say they educate themselves by reading and experiencing.

    5. They are open-minded

    Smart people do not close themselves off to new ideas or opportunities.

    Hammett said that smart people are “willing to value other opinions and to accept and consider them broad-mindedly” and are “open to alternative solutions.”

    “We find that an intelligent person has a strong reluctance to accept things at face value, and therefore the idea is not credible unless presented with multiple proofs,” says Alas.

    7. Self-control skills are developed

    “Intelligent people overcome impulsiveness by planning, setting goals, exploring alternative methods, and anticipating the results of a job,” says Zoher Ali.

    A 2009 study published in the journal Psychological Science revealed a link between willpower and intelligence.

    Within the scope of the study, two financial options were presented to the participants; they would either receive a small payment at that time or a larger payment at a later date.

    It was noticed that participants who chose to receive larger payments in the future (who were more willful) generally scored higher on intelligence tests.

  • Future Anxiety – How To Forget Past And Look To The Future Without Worry

    Future Anxiety – How To Forget Past And Look To The Future Without Worry

    Let’s get rid of the past first. (Future Anxiety)

    Those who can’t get rid of the past have relapsed and can’t make any progress by wasting their energies. (Future Anxiety)

    We must accept that we cannot change the past whether we want to or not.

    Being passive about the past, accepting and making an effort is much more beneficial.

    We cannot change past events, but we can only change their emotional effects.

    “That was it that day.”, “My potential in the conditions of that day allowed me to do it.”

    We should think like “But today I wouldn’t do it this way”, “I won’t let” or “I will”.

    If we can’t get rid of the past, we have regrets and guilt.

    We have wishes. There are thoughts that we devalue ourselves.

    If we get rid of them, we will look ahead.

    In fact, we can’t see current positive experiences because of past perceptions. While many things are happening that we will feel valuable right now.

    If everything is going well in your life and you cannot enjoy yourself, you know that your mind is stuck in the past.

    Often this indicates depression.

    To focus on the present, we must first get rid of the thoughts of the past.

    We need to accept this and not blame ourselves.

    We talked about the past, now let’s talk about the future.

    If the past creates sadness, thinking about the future creates a state of constant anxiety.

    Thoughts such as “What will happen”, “How will it be”, and “Why, is it going to be bad” take us away from that moment. It also leads to fiction about the future.

    When this happens, anxiety becomes the source of unhappiness and malaise after a while.

    But, trying to predict something about the future is a hypothesis, not real knowledge.

    Underneath this, there is the desire to predict the future and take precautions.

    So why? Because we think What will I do if there is a situation in the future that you do not want or cannot cope with? The idea is “I’d better reduce the risk now and prevent it before it reaches that stage”.

    The person who thinks this way has a state of inability to cope and intolerance.

    So How Do We Beat This?

    * I don’t need to fight the danger that I have created on a future issue right now.

    * I should not sacrifice my day for a danger that may arise one day in the future.

    * I don’t think much about the future, it doesn’t mean that I do something for it.

    * If I live my day well and instantly, I will also solve the problems that arise when necessary.

    * Instead of dealing with knowing the future, I can live today and prepare for the future.

    * Continually worrying about the future and generating thoughts about the future keeps our minds busy.

    This situation disconnects us from the environment we are in and prevents us from living the moment.

    * I need to focus more on the environment and the environment I am in so that my mind remains empty.

    * The thought that something bad will happen in the future is just a way of thinking that I learned from my environment.

    Blog


  • Effective Communication Skills for Everybody Needs to Know

    Effective Communication Skills for Everybody Needs to Know

    Effective Communication – Forget Your Knowledge About Communication

    Effective Communication – Here, I’m going to share steps and intellectual preparations that can be followed individually for effective communication in your business and private environment;

    Before going to To-Do List, We should know the meaning of Effective Communication.

    It covers the skills of influencing and persuading, storytelling, problem-solving and decision making, negotiation, conflict management, networking, communication, coaching and giving feedback.

    Steps and intellectual preparations that can be followed individually;

    • Ask yourself these questions;

    ✓ Considering my successful and unsuccessful negotiations, what did I do differently?

    ✓ Am I biased in negotiations? Can I look at it from both perspectives? Am I just taking a step back?

    Keep regular notes with a “keep doing/do more” analysis of opportunities to influence, your problems, your initiatives, your results.

    After listening to the other person, get in the habit of briefly summarizing what was said to confirm whether you understood correctly.

    Make an appointment with someone you have difficulty communicating with, arrange a meeting, talk about the sources of your problems and how you can resolve them.

    • Fulfil your promises on time. In cases where you realize that you cannot meet the time commitments, call the people you promised to explain the reasons and set a new date together.
    • Organize periodic meetings with your collaborators to ensure a regular flow of information.
    • Offer more than one alternative while convincing the other person.
    • When persuading a group, consider the dynamics of the group and the differences of group members.
    • Demonstrate concretely the advantages and disadvantages of each alternative.
    • Prepare tables comparing alternatives.
    • Develop alternative approaches by coming together with relevant people in other units so that customer needs can be met in the long term.
    • Get detailed information about the person and institution to be negotiated before the negotiation.
    • Review the concessions you can make before negotiating to ensure that both parties win in the negotiation process.
    • Research and apply different techniques used in problem-solving and decision making.
    • Develop solution alternatives by brainstorming by forming a team for one of the important problems you encounter. Apply the best solution by performing a benefit-harm analysis for each alternative.
    • Observe a colleague or manager you find success in problem-solving and decision making. Suggest to your manager to work with him on a temporary basis if necessary.
    • In order to identify the obstacles you may encounter in your studies, review your past studies and the problems you have experienced during these studies, and gather information about possible problems you may encounter in the work you will carry out by meeting with the relevant people.

    Develop and quickly implement prevention plans to prevent these problems from occurring.

    • Before making a decision, get together with people who will be affected or contribute to the decisions and shape your decisions in line with the opinions you receive from them.
    • Give timely feedback on problems you have difficulty solving.
    • Ask for feedback on a decision you made or the method you used to solve a problem.
    • Talk to your manager and teammates about a problem that you can’t make the right decision, timing or solving correctly, and agree on what should be done.
    • In the distribution of responsibility and work within the team, remember the criteria of situational leadership and take into account the experience and competence levels of your employees.
    • Assign your employee to a subject that you will determine. Let him take the initiative and make decisions in possible situations.
    • Following the issue under the responsibility of the employee, after any mistake, ask questions about the criteria that caused the error and make further notifications so that the error is not repeated.
    • Ask coaching questions and give feedback on situations/events to support development with a coaching-style managerial mindset.
    • Take time for yourself to work on coaching questions.
  • Personal Growth – Checklist and Stages For Starting

    Personal Growth – Checklist and Stages For Starting

    Self-Improvement Doesn’t Work, If You Don’t Follow Those Recommendations – Personal Growth

    Personal Growth – The measure of everything is people.

    All people want to know. They want to be able to exist.

    The goal is not to live! It is a life of its own.

    What makes man virtuous is wisdom, temperance, and courage.

    Wisdom means a solid understanding of the causes of everything that happens, and a deep perspective and reflection on the meaning of life.

    People should come to themselves rather than know themselves.

    Every person is unique. They are special. They are single. Therefore, there is no universal way.

    Where the road will take them on this journey is entirely up to the individual. It starts with inner change.

    Mental change, bodily change. It continues as environmental change.

    Before forgetting, know that you are only human!

    1. KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

    People analyze themselves.

    They begin to think about their strengths and weaknesses.

    Conduct your thoughts on moral and ethical understanding.

    Be on the side of justice, equality, and virtue, which is the spiritual maturity of a man.

    Knowing yourself allows you to understand yourself better, learn more about your needs, and decide if you want to achieve more.

    Developing your knowledge and skills is the beginning of where to start.

    2. COMPARISON

    When you understand yourself, you start comparing yourself to others.

    You want to know those who are better than you.

    Do not cross the fine line when comparing. Jealousy and envy are two different things!

    Jealousy is activated when success is seen in someone else.

    As children, we all want to be heroes of our dreams. We care.

    If you want to learn the secret of the person you model, you should make a comparison.

    You can synthesize new skills from other people or from the universe.

    First, compare yourself to yourself.

    Identify weak spots. study. Become a better person.

    3. CHANGE

    To run in a marathon, you have to exercise.

    If you want to do boxing, you need to train your muscles.

    Even the thought that we must change our lives for the better initiates change.

    It doesn’t matter why you want to change.

    Whatever your inspiration, it’s always good to change for the better.

    4. ACCEPTANCE

    You have reviewed your life. You identified the weaknesses. You made a comparison.

    You have decided to change. It’s time to accept.

    Accept what is before you blame yourself for why you are the way it is.

    Make peace with yourself, forgive and move on to a new phase. Don’t blame, just accept.

    5. PLANNING; TARGET; PURPOSE

    Set short and long term goals.

    Make a plan, set a goal. Get a roadmap. Keep target forms.

    Planning is a crucial analysis and allows you to see your progress.

    6. REACHING YOUR POTENTIAL

    You will make concessions when you go down this road.

    Your comfort will be disturbed.

    You will experience problems of failure, inadequacy, worthlessness, and self-confidence.

    You will experience anxiety and fear. You will face the pressure of Time, Family, Environment. You will learn to be patient.

    In short, you will push all your limits. Why is that? For a better YOU. For the goal you set.

    Remember the difference You wanted everything else doesn’t want you to want it.

    It’s time to fight.

    7. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND GROWTH

    If you meet all the above criteria,

    If you continue to develop goals, you will have chosen the most ideal life for yourself.

    You will be happy and peaceful,
    You will be strong and fair,
    You will be at peace and full of gratitude,
    You become Loving and Beloved

    In short, you are…..